Wow. It's been about 4 months since my last post. Sorry to all the hundreds of followers who have been sitting on the edge of your seats anxiously anticipating my next life changing, awe inspiring, mind blowing post. Oh, wait ...it only says "10 followers", my mistake. And I'm sure none of you have been holding your breath for me next rambling of nonsense. "Se la vi."
Purpose. Purpose...purpose, purpose. What is my purpose? This is a question that has been swishing in my brain for the last 16 hours, 23 minutes and 19 seconds, 20, 21, 22. :-)
Have I really come to this inevitable crossroads in my life already or is it just my monthly hormones going haywire on me and making me think these silly thoughts? I thought this "look back on your life to see what you have accomplished" mid-life crisis perspective wasn't supposed to happen for another 9-15 yrs. when my boys are about grown and moving out to go to college or begining life on their own? But no, I'm a 30 yr old stay at home mom, going on a 12 yr marriage with a 7 and 3 yr old boy wondering "What in the hoohah am I doing with my life that is really gonna matter...that is making a difference...that will have an impact for years to come?" I know that some of you, if not all, will chime in and say that I'm doing the most important job anyone can do...raising a family. I know, I know. I believe that what Rick and I instill in our boys now will affect them and impact them and somewhat determine what they will do later in life but that's not what I'm talking about...not exactly.
I'm talking about what am I doing NOW to affect the "after-life" of mommyhood. What am I doing? What am I pursuing? What am I putting my hands to that will carry me on when my boys are gone and doing their own thing? Will I become a wife who keeps every nook and cranny of the house spic-n-span? A place for everything and everything in it's place, right? Will I become a wife that meets with her "girlfriends" several days a week to discuss the latest trends or display her Charming Charlie's bargain buys? Will I be the athletic wife who spends a few hours every day working out and planing meals to stay in shape? May it never be!
Now, don't get me wrong. None of these things are bad and I feel there is a place for all of them and a bit of each in my own life but...as a whole, it's not me and it's not what I want said about me. I need a plan. "The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Prov. 16:9. Some of you may say, "pray about it and God will lead you." I know, I have and I will continue to give it to God until there is more clarity.
So my loving husband has prompted me to ask myself, "What do I love to do? What am I good at? Pursue this and the Lord with do the rest." Well, I feel I am good at baking and decorating (a hobby I've recently taken to). I love to sing...always have, always will. I feel I am a good problem solver and I love to make people laugh. So does that mean I should be a baking, singing comedian? Nah. :-)
Here's the thing. I never went to college so I've no degree, I've not had a normal job for about 7 yrs so as for me getting a job in the workforce that would be worth my while is unlikely. It truly would have to be God opening that door of opportunity for me. He would have to direct my steps as I plod along doing my daily routine of cooking, cleaning, washing, buying groceries, paying bills, fixing, replacing, filling cake orders, etc. This is what my "purpose" is for now, of that much I am sure. But I know there is something else I need to be doing in the midst of all this.
If I could be so bold as to ask for your prayers in this area. It would truly be a blessing. "Without consultation plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed." Prov. 15:22
P.S. I promise to lighten it up a bit on my next post. :-)